A friend in need December 30, 2009Posted by deewane in Uncategorized.
I am back!
I never was away. Several attempts were made to begin new posts, several half-written, half-thought-out pages lay in the archive… may be never to see the light of the day. But I need you again blogosphere, I need you to listen to me, to indulge me, to pat me on the head and tell me that everything is going to be ok.
I have never been accused of having good timing. Even in my head the punchlines of the joke eludes me till it no longer is funny. Unfortunately this trait plagues me in more serious matters as well. As if I wasn’t already struggling in my “professional” life (or more accurately- the prospective professional life) I had to go ahead and complicate my personal life as well. In simple words? Boy trouble!
Ideally I should have been back home by now, and by home I mean India, but some expected and some unexpected trouble delayed my departure. Meanwhile I come across this person who would absolutely refuse to leave me alone (or so I like to imagine). Rational as I am I explain my situation (that I will soon be leaving and possibly for good) and try to keep my distance, but curious still, mild flirtation never hurt anyone…right?
Cut to a wild birthday weekend, a tired, starving, surviving-on-2-hours-of-sleep me, add 2 shots of tequila and a vague recollection of kissing someone, not quite remembering the kiss but just that I didn’t want to stop.
Down the rabbit hole.
Constant facebooking progressing to constant texting (resulting in an outraged older brother since the poor thing foots the bill) progressing to constant IM’ing — we truly are a cyber-age romance! Weekend visits filled with anticipation and awkwardness and then with ease. Time! A wonderful friend, a great enemy.
It’s been 4 months! No other “reason” I could come up with to delay my departure any more. No other task that I could stretch out over a week just so I would have another weekend to spend here. So rational, I have always been so rational, then why the crazy thoughts now? Emotional fool I don’t want to be. I have to go back, with the possibility of never coming back. 4 months! Long enough for heart-ache, but still not long enough for anything else.
Analyze, rationalize — aren’t there people you have known longer and loved as much? Then why the dread of never being back attached to just one person? I don’t have the answer. It’s baffling, frustrating. May I switch that part of my brain off please? I didn’t even like him when I first met him, he had seemed aloof, mildly amused but mostly bored by his surroundings, I remember telling my cousin “I am just not attracted” and she replied “you sure don’t sound like you aren’t”. Who was I trying to fool? Her or me? I remember thinking that it was just the attention that I was enjoying. But no, I was going…
down the rabbit hole.
Modifying and quoting — Heavy rain tonight. On my pillow.