Deewane

Knock Knock! August 9, 2010

Who’s there?

Drama Queen!

Drama queen who?

Drama queen who wishes that she wasn’t such a drama queen!

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Going by how morbid my last couple of posts were before I did my disappearing act for the umpteenth time, I am pretty sure all of the 1688 visitors (yes, I will maintain that that’s the count of unique visitors to this site, no, you can not make me change my mind!) now assume that either I am a. Dead; or b. have lost both my hands, and my ability to speak, and hence have no way to pen my deep deep thoughts on this blog any more! Extremely tragic scenarios, both of them, even if I do say so myself.

Suffice to say that is not the case.

A lot has happened in the past 6 months. A LOT! I will just spring it: I got MARRIED!

*Insert evidence A*

As must be evident by the picture, it was an enormously happy day.

Now, I must apologies if the reader is left confused by the rather drastic turn of events. I will quote our wedding officiant here “It was a lot of whirl, but no wind romance” (I still don’t understand that :O, please enlighten me if you do!).  Anyhoo, if I recall correctly (coz I am loathe to go back and read my drama queen-yness at it’s peak), I left the blog at the very melancholy note of leaving my boyfriend, of very short time, and going back to motherland. In short, it did not happen. We both ended up deciding that we are a couple of nutcases, and we would be those weirdo couples who decide to get married within 6 months of knowing each other. Commitments were made, small ceremonies were planned, self-celebratory dances were danced (!) and then the parents were informed. It all went downhill from there. Err….not exactly :), the only downhill part was the absolute disregard of our wish of having a small and extremely simple ceremony. I guess that happens when two ethnic cultures collide! His Portuguese vs. my Indian, both alien to doing things on a small scale. The details of the affair, which turned rather glamorous (you should have guessed just by the bling on the top half of my dress, I mean duh!) are best left for subsequent posts, because even without embellishing or using the poetic license, the stories leading up to the final day are part-hilarious, part-frustrating, part-sad, and a complete bollywood fodder!

P.S. The reason for this, abrupt and relatively short, return is that for the first time in the past 5 months my adorable/handsome/absolutely the best husband ever and I are spending a week apart, and I can not for the life of me fall asleep. See you soon, many more stories coming shortly to enthrall you completely 😉

True January 9, 2010

Laughter is always followed by tears.

I used to snigger whenever I would come across this semi-popular quote : “No one dies a virgin, life screws everyone”

Life screwed me hard, real hard.

A friend in need December 30, 2009

I am back!

I never was away. Several attempts were made to begin new posts, several half-written, half-thought-out pages lay in the archive… may be never to see the light of the day. But I need you again blogosphere, I need you to listen to me, to indulge me, to pat me on the head and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

I have never been accused of having good timing. Even in my head the punchlines of the joke eludes me till it no longer is funny. Unfortunately this trait plagues me in more serious matters as well. As if I wasn’t already struggling in my “professional” life (or more accurately- the prospective professional life) I had to go ahead and complicate my personal life as well. In simple words? Boy trouble!

Ideally I should have been back home by now, and by home I mean India, but some expected and some unexpected trouble delayed my departure. Meanwhile I come across this person who would absolutely refuse to leave me alone (or so I like to imagine). Rational as I am I explain my situation (that I will soon be leaving and possibly for good) and try to keep my distance, but curious still, mild flirtation never hurt anyone…right?

Cut to a wild birthday weekend, a tired, starving, surviving-on-2-hours-of-sleep me, add 2 shots of tequila and a vague recollection of kissing someone, not quite remembering the kiss but just that I didn’t want to stop.

Down the rabbit hole.

Constant facebooking progressing to constant texting (resulting in an outraged older brother since the poor thing foots the bill) progressing to constant IM’ing — we truly are a cyber-age romance! Weekend visits filled with anticipation and awkwardness and then with ease. Time! A wonderful friend, a great enemy.

It’s been 4 months! No other “reason” I could come up with to delay my departure any more. No other task that I could stretch out over a week just so I would have another weekend to spend here. So rational, I have always been so rational, then why the crazy thoughts now? Emotional fool I don’t want to be. I have to go back, with the possibility of never coming back. 4 months! Long enough for heart-ache, but still not long enough for anything else.

Analyze, rationalize — aren’t there people you have known longer and loved as much? Then why the dread of never being back attached to just one person? I don’t have the answer. It’s baffling, frustrating. May I switch that part of my brain off please? I didn’t even like him when I first met him, he had seemed aloof,  mildly amused but mostly bored by his surroundings, I remember telling my cousin “I am just not attracted” and she replied “you sure don’t sound like you aren’t”. Who was I trying to fool? Her or me? I remember thinking that it was just the attention that I was enjoying. But no, I was going…

down the rabbit hole.

Modifying and quoting — Heavy rain tonight. On my pillow.

It talks! December 22, 2009

Bad blogger! November 13, 2009

And that’s about all I can come up with right now. I need to organize my thoughts before crapping them all out here, or they will read like…..well crap!

Ciao my friends and I hope you have been doing well. You right there, yes I mean YOU!

🙂

P.S. I guess the least I can do is leave you with the song I am obsessed with right now. Now I understand some people don’t take too kindly to covers, but I luuurrrve this version! (FYI: Not a huge fan of the show, it’s mildly entertaining at best. Definitely do not understand the hoopla.)

Telegram September 12, 2009

Tons of posts in the sidelines STOP  Will get to work soon STOP Partying like an animal STOP Happy like a frikkin dodo STOP Might be messing life up big time STOP Still happy STOP Later STOP

Indian-NESS August 10, 2009

I think I am a little late to the party, everyone  else already seems to have seen, loved and forgotten this commercial which encaptures the madness of being Indian (that too in under 2 minutes). But if you aren’t late, are you really Indian?? (IST = Indian standard time :P)

Three August 9, 2009

I want to declare once and for all that I am in love with three men. Unfotunately all of them died a long time ago. All three had a consuming passion for their art (oh and isn’t ‘consuming’ such a complete and beautiful word when used in the right context? Consume Consume Consume). The kind of passion for which people crave for, a passion which drives you to insanity, coz may be that’s the ultimate joy, nirvana.

Sahir Ludhianvi

Munshi Premchand

Saadat Hasan Manto

Lazy Sunday (Or writing about whatever the hell comes to mind) August 9, 2009

Eating frosting straight out of the can with a fork, after a 39 hour fast can not possibly be a good idea. But I love (may be an illusion) how relatively flat my stomach feels.

I didn’t starve myself with the end purpose of having a flatter stomach, that was just a pleasant side effect! The starving happened because I have been planning to order some Indian food for the last 2 days (since my unassuming, simple and trusting brother gave me his credit card number for something important and true to nature now I want to misuse it [:D]) and as if right on cue, fall asleep early in the evening i.e. before ordering and wake up at 2:00 AM, inconveniently after the restaurant has closed down. Add to that the fact that I have practically nothing in my refrigerator, except for a couple of old, wrinkling apples (and the now history can of chocolate frosting which had about 3 whole tablespoons of the sweet stuff, charitably given to me by my neighbour when she moved out of the dorm), and about $3 in my bank, and that explains the 39 hour long fast. (Now I understand why any sane person would suggest that I borrow some money from family, since I can’t work (remember I am not American, am a student and don’t have the proper authority etc..), but the idea of doing the “asking” makes me all squeamish, so instead I often launch in to lores of my desperate situation till Dad gets a whiff of what I am hinting at and proceeds to ask me point blank, and then I go on to deny need of any money whatsoever. Before this I never knew I was so complicated!)

Mom is meanwhile making Dahi-bhalle back home and I hate her for having the motivation (besides the ingredients and resources)  to indulge in cooking that when her ONLY daughter is thousands of miles away from home pining for food, any food let alone the Indian kind.

I mean the craving was so intense that after googling images of kadhi I felt faint with longing and hunger (have I ever mentioned before that I haven’t been home in 3 years and last saw Mum about 2 years back and am still single? At this point I am ready to take any man who can follow instructions from a cook-book! I promise I’ll live to feed him if he lives to cook for me)

Since it’s only 11:00 in the morning and I have already dubbed the post (and the day) lazy, I think we can all sit back and relax and safely assume that nothing earth-shattering would be accomplished by moi today, like exercising may be!

But it’ll be completely dishonest of me if I were to lead you to believe that I am living a lifestyle equal to a health-nuts’ worst nightmare. Infact I have been quite disciplined about trying to meditate and trying to work out for atleast an hour everyday for the past several days. I have cut back drastically on carbs, sugar (err..well except for the frosting) and completely cut out milk, and milk only coz acne isn’t the hottest accessory someone can sport and I genuinely see a difference to deprive myself of something that I used to down like water. And can I just say that those Dole’s salad bags with the dressing (which I don’t like), nuts and all sorts of fun toppings in their own separate pouches are the greatest things ever! I never knew salad in a bag could be so much fun, those crunchy leaves and the dried pineapple chunks yummmmmmm, and let’s admit it, besides doing good things for general health it surely is also helping my body release endorphins by bucketful, how else do I explain the maniacal grin and the smugness my face contorts into while I am devouring the leaves, the almonds and the pineapple chunks along with the bag itself.

Now even though I had promised that today was going to be L-A-Z-Y, which for me translates in to spending the day short of peeing in a bag for fear of moving, I still have some agendas lined up for today, like spend some quality time trying to find a link streaming the latest bollywood release (do not judge, didn’t I already mention I have $3 in my account?)  and figure out what I want other than matar-paneer for dinner. Also ofcourse, keeping in the vein of my new and improved life I’ll again attempt to meditate for atleast 20 minutes. I never realized it’d be so damn hard. I mean I had known it would be hard but not hard for me, you know! I imagined all I’d have to do is sit cross-legged and will soon be floating away in the sea of enlightenment. Alas, once again my cockiness had mislead me about my own abilities. After spending the first two days of peeking at my watch at a regular interval of 2 seconds I have now graduated to keeping myself motionless for a total of 7 seconds at a stretch. Apart from the desire to develop a photographic memory (related to which a story Dad tells me often, the gist of which is that Swami Vivekananda when asked knew exactly the contents of page x of book n, and he credited the practise of meditation as the culprit!) another motivational force is based on hearsay, the attainment of perpetual bliss.

I believe with all my heart that we as human beings are complete in ourselves, capable and responsible for our own happiness, and while “other” things that usually keep a person busy throughout life like work, family, hobbies and charities etc. are all well and good but they may or may not form a part of everyone’s life. They may or may not keep you happy, they may or may not make you suffer. But the stillness of thought and mind that a person is promised through meditation (apart from the aforementioned perpetual bliss) supposed to help you sail through the tough times as easily as wading in a pool of noodles (Patch Adams 🙂 ) is just too attractive a prospect to not devote just a measly hour to in a day. I also realize that it also sounds just as good and kooky as the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, but the day someone, with the credibility of Gautam Buddha, says that there indeed is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow I would be on the next bus to Niagara Falls and the sure-shot rainbow that place has :).

So ummm…yeah , movie, dinner and 30 minutes peering at the watch out of the corner of my eye should take care of 4 of the 24 hours. Rest of the day I’ll sleep! Sounds like a good plan to me.

Toodle-oo

Oh Mac how I hate thee! August 5, 2009

I never wanted to close the comments on my post titled ‘Letter’ quite the opposite actually but it’s the Mac in my university library computer that’s doing things that I don’t want it to do. Can I say once and for all that I hate Mac and LOVE PC?!?
Thank you

P.S. May be Macs aren’t so dumb after all, it wouldn’t publish this post after several attempts!